“You’re back! I missed you!”

“Did you behave yourself while we were out?”

“Yeah! Is daddy all better now?”

“Ah, sort of. He’ll need to rest for a while, though. Your dad’s getting him up to bed right now, so it’s probably a good idea to use indoor voices.”

“Okay!”

“Ah, thank you two for keeping an eye on her. It’s so good to have such responsible young adults at home.”

“Oh, mom, we’re not young adults yet.”

“Shhh! Clarence! Embrace it! And thanks, mom, I’ll be sure to relay that to Michelle once her cheer practice is over, too.”

“Hey there, sleeping beauty.”

“How’s he doing?”

“He’s sleeping like a log. Connor was here about an hour ago, but Ripp slept right through it. Buck and Jill helped make him a really sweet card, too. I think he’ll love it.”

“Mmmmnnn… Phi?”

“We didn’t wake you up, did we?”

“The doctors said everything went well. They were pleasantly surprised you could sleep so soundly. In fact, it’s already about time we can get you home. Before what we need to get into the freezer melts, of course.”

“Uncle Johnny!!”

“Connor? What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to see Uncle Ripp, of course. Dad said he’s in the hospital so I figured it’d be good to visit, you know? He wanted to come, too, but with the new baby, it’s kinda hard to leave the house.”

“Oh, right! The baby! How is she?”

“She’s doing great! She’s slowly learning how to get around the house. Only things we need to work on is her eating her vegetables and taking her naps.”

“Ah! Speaking of naps…”

“We’ll be right here when you wake up, we promise.”

“Hey! You look a lot less tense. They drug you yet?”

“Hehe, I love you guuuuuuysss”

“Yikes! I can see why you’ve rested your voice for so long. But it’s good you’re so happy, even if you’re in la la land.”

“You’re sooooo pretty.

“So that’s about it for the rundown. There should be a room ready for you soon.”

“And like I said before, you’ll be asleep the whole time, and to answer what you wrote on your form here: this procedure has nothing to do with the prostate.”

“Now, let’s get you into a gown and a room, okay?”

“Hello, Dr. Moore.”

“Well, aren’t you early, Mrs. Nigmos.”

“It wasn’t easy, that’s for sure. Ripp wasn’t very eager to go.”

“You must be Ripp, correct? I’m Dr. Moore. I’ll be performing your surgery today.”

“…!!!!!!!”

“Is he… Is he okay?”

“Ah, sorry about that. He’s, um, not very good with doctors.”

“I understand. I’ve dealt with lots of scared patients before, although most are children…”

“Is there a way to calm him down?”

“Don’t worry about that. If all else fails, the promise of ice cream should work just fine.”

“Hey, relax. You heard him, right? There’s free ice cream.”

“…”

“Uh, Phi? I think Ripp’s broken.”

“Can you open wide for me, hon?”

“Heheh.”

“What’s so funny, Johnny?”

“Usually Ripp’s telling you that.”

“Hey! No dirty jokes when doctor Phi’s working.”

“Well? What is it?”

“These are huge!”

“Okay, Phi, you don’t have to push any more dirty jokes.”

“I’m not the one with my head in the gutter.”

“Whatcha guys doing?”

“Oh, hey, Maddie! Sorry your dad’s being quite the bad influence right now. We’re just taking a look at daddy’s throat.”

“Hey, I wasn’t trying to.”

“Is daddy gonna be okay? Can soup cure him!?”

“I’m afraid comfort soup doesn’t perform tonsillectomies, dear. But Dr. Moore does.”

“…!!!!”

“Is daddy scared of the doctor!?”

“I don’t necessarily think he’s scared…”

“But he looked scared!”

“It’s just that the last time he went to the doctor, um, he had to… get a grownup checkup. It wasn’t very fun.”

“I hope I don’t get a grownup checkup!”

“Don’t worry, it’s, uhh, a checkup girls don’t have to get.”

“Wow!”

“Hmmm…. Come to think of it, I think that was the first time he’s ever been to a doctor. Talk about a bad first impression.”

“Well, no kidding! He’s always losing his voice by the end of the work week, with that absurdly loud singing, more like screeching, he does at two in the damn morning!

“Well, that’s a relief, I guess. I mean, that means daddy’s okay, right?”

“But… There’s one thing I don’t quite understand.”

“…?”

“What’s that?”

“Usually he has something to say about that. Ripp, why didn’t you do that this time?”

“Yeah, you’re right about that. Maybe mom can look at him?”

“Yeah, see if he’ll need a doctor.”

“…!!!”

“Hey daddy! You’ll never guess what happened at school today!”

“…”

“This is the part where you guess, daddy!”

“Seriously, Ripp? Why are you taking this out on the kids?”

“Dad! Have you ever considered daddy’s not mad at you?”

“Well, I mean… I don’t see why he wouldn’t be!”

“Jeez, dad! You’re lucky I’m, like, super in-tune with other people’s emotions.”

“You are?”

“Yeah! Cousin Connor said so himself! He dabbles in tarot reading, so it’s totes true!”

“Okay, then, what’s he thinking now?”

“Hmmmm…. I’d say, daddy thiiiiiinks… It hurts to talk?”

“*nodnod*”

“How’d you do that!?”

“I told you, I’m sooo in-tune!”

“Umm… Good morning, Ripp!”

“…”

“You’re, um, awfully quiet today.”

“…”

“Pleasant View got cancelled.”

“…”

“Why aren’t you talking? Please, just say something! Anything! Before my ride to work leaves?”

“…”

“Hmph. Fine. If Ripp wants to be passive aggressive, that’s on him.”