Tag: johnny smith

“Can you open wide for me, hon?”

“Heheh.”

“What’s so funny, Johnny?”

“Usually Ripp’s telling you that.”

“Hey! No dirty jokes when doctor Phi’s working.”

“Well? What is it?”

“These are huge!”

“Okay, Phi, you don’t have to push any more dirty jokes.”

“I’m not the one with my head in the gutter.”

“Whatcha guys doing?”

“Oh, hey, Maddie! Sorry your dad’s being quite the bad influence right now. We’re just taking a look at daddy’s throat.”

“Hey, I wasn’t trying to.”

“Is daddy gonna be okay? Can soup cure him!?”

“I’m afraid comfort soup doesn’t perform tonsillectomies, dear. But Dr. Moore does.”

“…!!!!”

“Is daddy scared of the doctor!?”

“I don’t necessarily think he’s scared…”

“But he looked scared!”

“It’s just that the last time he went to the doctor, um, he had to… get a grownup checkup. It wasn’t very fun.”

“I hope I don’t get a grownup checkup!”

“Don’t worry, it’s, uhh, a checkup girls don’t have to get.”

“Wow!”

“Hmmm…. Come to think of it, I think that was the first time he’s ever been to a doctor. Talk about a bad first impression.”

“Well, no kidding! He’s always losing his voice by the end of the work week, with that absurdly loud singing, more like screeching, he does at two in the damn morning!”

“Well, that’s a relief, I guess. I mean, that means daddy’s okay, right?”

“But… There’s one thing I don’t quite understand.”

“…?”

“What’s that?”

“Usually he has something to say about that. Ripp, why didn’t you do that this time?”

“Yeah, you’re right about that. Maybe mom can look at him?”

“Yeah, see if he’ll need a doctor.”

“…!!!”

“Hey daddy! You’ll never guess what happened at school today!”

“…”

“This is the part where you guess, daddy!”

“Seriously, Ripp? Why are you taking this out on the kids?”

“Dad! Have you ever considered daddy’s not mad at you?”

“Well, I mean… I don’t see why he wouldn’t be!”

“Jeez, dad! You’re lucky I’m, like, super in-tune with other people’s emotions.”

“You are?”

“Yeah! Cousin Connor said so himself! He dabbles in tarot reading, so it’s totes true!”

“Okay, then, what’s he thinking now?”

“Hmmmm…. I’d say, daddy thiiiiiinks… It hurts to talk?”

“*nodnod*”

“How’d you do that!?”

“I told you, I’m sooo in-tune!”

“Umm… Good morning, Ripp!”

“…”

“You’re, um, awfully quiet today.”

“…”

“Pleasant View got cancelled.”

“…”

“Why aren’t you talking? Please, just say something! Anything! Before my ride to work leaves?”

“…”

“Hmph. Fine. If Ripp wants to be passive aggressive, that’s on him.”

“Well, looks like we’ll have to talk to him again.”

“But we keep talking! And talking! And talking! I’ve had enough!”

“Umm… honey?

“I just can’t stand it! I’m exhausted! His singing sucks, too!”

“Hon?”

“Let the SimNation Idol judges tear him a new one if that’s what it-”

“Johnny! He’s behind you!”

“Ahhh, can we just thank the Watcher we’re not anything like those two?”

“You can say that again, Ripp.”

“What would we be without our killer communication skills.”

“Speaking of communication, we still need to finish our talk about your disturbing the peace.”

“Come on, Phi. Can we hug it out first?”

“An open relationship?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“I’ve heard those are pretty rough. Feelings of jealousy and discomfort and whatnot… Not something meant for everyone. Props, I guess?”

“Oh, it’s easy to deal with those! Just, you know, stop yourself from feeling those feelings! Repression is better than giving into toxic urges, after all!”

“Wait… What?”

“So, let me get this straight: you never talk that kinda stuff out? No communication at all?”

“I don’t understand. Communication is good. Without it, I don’t think Ripp, Phi, and I would have ever made this work.”

“Why would you be open about such possessive feelings? You are so backwards!”

“It’s nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Huffington… That’s you guys, right?”

“Mmhm! And it’s so lovely for Heather and me to meet other polyamorous people, too!”

“Wait… polyamorous?”

“Mmmhm~ We’ve been poly since we got married! It’s lovely!”

“Huh, I never would’ve guessed. There’s, you know, just two of you…”

“Well, of course. We’re in an open relationship, hehe. That is, Marty lets me be free as a bird~!”

“Mmhm, and then I have dinner ready for Heather-Weather when she comes home and we go to bed.”

“Ummm… I see.”